Losing Weight

It's a constant battle for me to be losing weight. It seems to go on and on.  I'd have to say that unfortunately  right now I am the heaviest I've ever been.  I'm admitting what is obvious but not proudly.  This has been a very emotional and depressing time for me these last 12-24 months.  So many changes that I feel all ran thru me.  And of course I am one of those people that takes it all in and that's where it stays.  Which I'm  sure had brought on my huge sleeping problems.  

I say I can sleep anywhere and that's pretty true cause I always seem to be tired.  There were nights that it would take me hours to fall asleep or I would wake up and be up for two or three hours.  I feel like this has gotten better but only cause I take a sleeping pill every night.  Sometimes I need it to help me fall asleep and sometimes I need it so that I'm not waking up every couple hours all night long.  

I started with the sleeping pills because being in full blown menopause is sucking the life out of me for the 4th year, but these last two have completely been the worst. Between massive hot flashes all day and then night sweats all night I couldn't get any sleep.  I tried so many different methods to try and get it all under control but no such luck.  

I don't want to blame anything or any reason or make excuses because I have gained a lot of weight but I do have to say with my body fighting me in every way it can between emotionally and physically and not sleeping it definitely wasn't helping.  And it definitely isn't easy either. 

What to do....what to do.....besides crying and praying and being sooo depressed about it, it's hard.  I know a few things about how things are right now, and I'm not happy about them.  I don't like that I am as heavy as I am, I don't like that being this heavy is very uncomfortable, nothing fits or looks good, I'm embarrassed for sure and that in turn makes me want to keep to myself.  I'm not trying to be a big whiner, I know it's all on me to take care of this , but I just have to voice how much it sucks.  How angry it makes me.  How sad I get.  Everything...all those feelings and thoughts that come with when your mind, body and life are not where you want them all to be at the same time.  Something needs to change so...... Changes are coming.  Changes are definitely coming.  

And Thank God!!!