Year Anniversary

I can't believe it's been a year since we were going through all of the stuff with Alicia and Bee.  It's still so sad to think how he died at such a young age and that Alicia had to deal with all of that at her age.  I really felt like she struggled so much when it  happened and I just ached to know she was hurting so bad.  I would ask her how she was doing and she'd say fine, and I'd say are you getting any sleep and she'd say no.  But she never wanted to talk about how she was feeling or anything about Bee and the hospital or his death.  Nothing.  And I never pushed it.  I knew as well as others do, you don't push Alicia.   As the year went on all I did was pray she was coping and actually doing ok.  She really seemed to be.  She started going to the gym and losing weight, she was staying busy but we still never talked.  I guess I figured she would when and if she needed to.

And here it is the year anniversary and once again I didn't know how to talk to her.  I asked Kev what do I?
I don't want her to think I don't realize it's been a year, I don't want her to think I have forgotten about him, I don't want to upset her.....what do I do?   I started the day off with texting her to see how she was and how her day was going.  She said she was ok, she didn't sleep the night before but was ok.  It was a sad day for her because people were texting her to let her know they were thinking about her.  I told her that people just want you to know they love you and are sad for you as well.  I am pretty sure she actually did like the acknowledgement that people remembered, but still it did make her sad.

I still wasn't sure what to do so I thought I would just pick up some flowers and go put them in her apartment so she would have something waiting for her when she got home.  Her friends Laura and Megan text me to say they too weren't sure what to do so they left her a present for when she got home as well.  I stopped after work to get flowers and of course as I got out of the car at her apartment she pulled up.  So much for her having a surprise when she walked in.  She asked me what I was doing there and I told her I just wanted  to let her know I was thinking of her and loved her.  We stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk and hugged.  I honestly wanted to burst out in tears, but surprisingly didn't.  When she opened the door she saw Laura & Megan's present.

They said it was a bag of sunshine on an otherwise yucky day.  The whole bag was filled with things that were yellow.  Cutest thing ever, and she loved opening it.  Everything inside was wrapped in yellow tissue paper.  A Butterfinger, Lays Potato Chips, Yellow Sun Glasses and so much more.  We sat on the couch for a while and I asked her if she was going to go to the cemetery and she said she had already gone cause she had to teach that night.  Then she proceeded to tell me she had gone during the night when she couldn't sleep.   I told her she shouldn't do that, but she said it was the only time she could go and she was awake anyway so she did.  I understood.

I think it was a tough couple of days for her as well as the whole year, but  she is so amazing and so strong it's unbelievable.